dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We have so much sex to catch up on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize