We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There r osticjed everywhere
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
