I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
