My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize