I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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