i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize