Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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