I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
two words...techno handjob
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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