I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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