i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
