you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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