And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
