Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
