I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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