community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
