yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
