my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
