I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
