Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
