All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk is not a location!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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