you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
