The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
