I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
