at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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