The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
