I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize