My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
