Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
where are my eyebrows?
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