Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
