i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
