I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
