it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
