I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize