Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
