...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize