I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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