Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
