um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
