Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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