Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
