You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
