if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
