This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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