I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
