just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
