Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
