Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
