he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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