K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
