if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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