i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
