i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have fence marks all over my body
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
