oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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