last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have fence marks all over my body
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
