I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
