Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
