I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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