Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
