I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you. Go after that dick
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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