So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
