When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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