If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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