started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
