Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
