you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
