I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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