You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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