he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
