So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
