I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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