1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like abortions should bother me more
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Alive.
So much puke
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
